Well Dad I can't believe it's been 4 years,I can recall every detail of that day,feel every pain and remember the feeling that all the air was being sucked from my body and no matter how hard I tried to breath,I couldn't. But I couldn't accept you were gone,not until I'd seen you. Then I know it was you who calmed me,some how you made me take control,breath,be strong and do what I had to do. I know u must have been so worried afterall I was carrying your first grandaughter! An boy she sure is her Grandads girl! An now I'm carrying your second Grandaughter, Rayne Helen Darcy, who we thought may have come on this 4 year anniversary! But she changed her mind! I miss you so much Dad, an sometimes it feels like I'm on my own suffering, and I just wana scream everyones so wrapped up in their own little life. Yes I miss Grandad, but he was 86 years old, he'd had a good life and he wouldn't have wanted to be nursed we all know that,but you were just 49 and it makes me so angry when mum constantly goes on about how "she misses grandad,he was her friend,an we don't understand!" I wana punch her,I'm so sorry but feel shes so selfish. What does she think you were! You were my friend,I had to do things running up to your death that I know were for the best,but it still hurts remembering how angry you were,and how you called it a "dirty trick" But I had to you wasn't well and I was scared,I'm so sorry if you though I'd betrayed you I just wanted to protect you and I wasn't able to do it alone. Please forgive me I love and miss you so much, no one really understands how much. I love you Dad.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx